I grew up in Arizona, where the sun shines most days of the year. Winters were mild, and even during the colder months, the skies stayed bright and blue. So when I moved to Northern Illinois and later to Colorado, I wasn’t prepared for how much the long, dark winters would affect me.

The cold wasn’t just physical—it got into my head. The gray skies, freezing temperatures, and short days made me feel isolated and unmotivated. At first, I brushed it off as “winter blues”, but as the weeks dragged on, it turned into something heavier—a seasonal depression I didn’t know how to handle.

Instead of dealing with it in a healthy way, I turned to alcohol. Drinking became my way of getting through the long, dark evenings. It felt like an escape, something to make me forget the cold and the emptiness I felt during those months. But the more I drank, the worse I felt. It became a cycle I couldn’t break.

How Seasonal Depression Fueled My Drinking

The winters in Northern Illinois were especially rough. The freezing wind, constant snow, and endless gray skies made it easy to stay inside—and easy to drink. At first, it was just a few drinks to warm up or to pass the time when the weather made going out feel impossible. But before long, my drinking became a nightly routine, something I depended on to make the nights feel less lonely.

When I moved to Colorado, I thought the change of scenery might help. But the winters there brought their own set of challenges. The snowstorms, the icy roads, and the isolation of shorter days only made things worse. And with fewer distractions, I found myself drinking more than ever.

By December 2019, things spiraled out of control. I got a DUI that month, right in the middle of a long, dark Colorado winter. It was the wake-up call I needed, but at the time, it just felt like another failure—another reason to keep drinking and avoid dealing with how I really felt.

Finding Support Through Recovery

Getting sober wasn’t easy, and facing winters without alcohol was one of my biggest fears. I worried about how I’d handle the seasonal depression without the crutch I’d leaned on for years. But what I didn’t realize back then was that I didn’t have to do it alone.

Through recovery, I found a community of people who understood what I was going through. They didn’t judge me for the mistakes I’d made—they just supported me as I worked to build a better life.

Now, when the days start getting shorter and the temperatures drop, I lean on my recovery network instead of a bottle. Whether it’s going to meetings, grabbing coffee with a friend, or just reaching out to someone for a quick check-in, I remind myself that I don’t have to face the hard days by myself.

New Ways to Handle the Winter Blues

Recovery also helped me discover healthier ways to deal with seasonal depression. Instead of drinking to numb my feelings, I’ve learned to focus on habits that lift my mood and keep me grounded:

• Exercise: Even when it’s cold outside, getting my body moving—whether it’s running, hitting the gym, or just taking a quick walk—helps me clear my head and boost my energy.
• Routine: Having a schedule keeps me from slipping into old habits. I make time for meetings, hobbies, and self-care so I don’t feel stuck.
• Sunlight and Fresh Air: On sunny days, I make it a point to spend time outside, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
• Accountability: Staying connected to my recovery community keeps me motivated. Sharing my struggles with others reminds me that I’m not alone.

Looking Back and Moving Forward

Thinking back to that DUI in December 2019, it’s clear now that it was a turning point—one I didn’t see coming but desperately needed. At the time, I felt hopeless, ashamed, and completely stuck. But that moment forced me to take a hard look at my life and finally reach out for help.

Today, I’m grateful for where I am. I’m surrounded by people who support my recovery, and I’ve learned how to take care of myself—even during the tough seasons. Winter doesn’t scare me anymore because I know I have the tools and the support to get through it.

If you’re struggling with seasonal depression or leaning on unhealthy habits to cope, my advice is this—don’t wait to ask for help. Whether it’s talking to a friend, joining a support group, or reaching out to a counselor, there are people who want to help you through it.