Recovery Roommates—What Sober Living Taught Us About Life, Friendship, and Boundaries

Living in a sober living home isn’t just about staying sober—it’s about figuring out how to live, really live, without numbing out. I was just trying to stay sober and figure out what came next.

What I didn’t expect was that my time as a resident would teach me lessons about accountability, friendships, and boundaries that I still carry with me today. Those experiences shaped not only my recovery journey but also my career—taking me from someone searching for stability to becoming a marketing director helping others find their own path to sobriety. In this article, I’m sharing what sober living taught me—about myself, about relationships, and about building a life I never thought was possible.

5 Powerful Lessons I Learned in Sober Living

When I moved into Paul Garcia’s sober living house in 2020, I had no idea how much it was going to change my life. At the time, I just wanted to get sober and figure out what came next. What I didn’t expect was to leave with lifelong friendships, life-changing lessons, and a whole new perspective on what it actually means to live in recovery.

Sober living wasn’t always easy. There were challenges, awkward moments, and times I questioned if I even wanted to stick it out. But looking back, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It didn’t just help me stay sober—it gave me tools I still use every day.

Here are 5 powerful lessons I learned in sober living that shaped my recovery—and my life.

1. Accountability Works—Even When It’s Uncomfortable

One of the first things I realized in sober living is that you can’t hide. When you’re living with other people who are also in recovery, they notice if you’re off. They check in if you’re skipping meetings. And they call you out if you’re slacking on chores—or worse, slipping back into old habits.

At first, this felt invasive. I wasn’t used to people paying attention to what I was doing, and honestly, it made me uncomfortable. But over time, I realized accountability is what kept me grounded.

I needed people around me who wouldn’t let me isolate when I was struggling. I needed people who could say, “I’ve been there too,” and actually mean it. That’s what sober living gave me—a group of people who cared enough to hold me to a higher standard.

2. Structure Keeps You Moving Forward

Before I got sober, my life was chaos. No schedule, no routines—just surviving one day at a time. Sober living forced me to rebuild structure into my life, and even though I fought it at first, it ended up being exactly what I needed.

Curfews, chores, and check-ins gave me stability when I didn’t have any. They made me stick to a routine and actually show up for myself. Things like making my bed and cleaning the kitchen didn’t feel life-changing at the time, but they were.

That structure laid the foundation for everything else. It taught me how to be responsible and show up even when I didn’t feel like it. Now, whether it’s at work, in relationships, or just day-to-day life, those habits still stick with me.

3. You Can’t Do This Alone—And You Don’t Have To

One of the biggest takeaways from sober living is that recovery is not a solo mission. I learned pretty quickly that trying to do everything by myself wasn’t going to work.

I met some of my best friends through sober living—people who understood what I was going through because they’d been through it too.

  • My current roommate and good friend Ryan? We met through Paul’s house, and now we’re building lives we’re proud of side by side.
  • Damen? Another close friend I met in sober living, and in April 2025, I’ll be standing in his wedding as a groomsman.
  • Wade? We didn’t live in the same house, but we both went through Paul’s program at different times and were introduced later through mutual friends. Now, we work together and co-host the Wellness Wire Podcast.

These connections weren’t just about having people to hang out with—they became my lifelines. Even now, those friendships are some of the most important relationships in my life.

4. Boundaries Matter—For Yourself and Others

I didn’t realize how bad I was at setting boundaries until I moved into sober living. Sharing space with other people forces you to figure out what you’re okay with—and what you’re not.

Whether it was dealing with noise, chores, or sharing personal space, I had to learn how to speak up. At the same time, I had to respect other people’s boundaries too.

What I Learned About Boundaries:

  • Say What You Need: Small problems get big fast if you don’t address them early.
  • Personal Space Matters: Taking time to recharge doesn’t make you antisocial—it makes you healthy.
  • Saying No Isn’t Selfish: Protecting your time, energy, and sobriety is non-negotiable.

Learning how to set boundaries in sober living carried over into every other area of my life. It made my relationships stronger, helped me communicate better, and kept me from falling back into people-pleasing habits that didn’t serve me.

5. Friendship Can Feel Like Family

If there’s one thing I’ll never forget about sober living, it’s the friendships I made.

There’s something about going through the highs and lows of recovery together that creates a bond that’s hard to explain. These were the people who saw me at my worst and still showed up to cheer me on.

We celebrated milestones together, like 30 days sober or getting a new job. We also talked each other down on the hard days—the ones where cravings hit or old habits tried to creep back in.

And those connections didn’t stop when we moved out. I’m still close to so many of the people I met through sober living. Wade and I even turned our shared experiences into something bigger—working together and launching a podcast to help others in recovery.

Sober Living—More Than Just a Place to Stay

Wade has told me countless stories about his time at Paul’s, and it’s clear how much it shaped him. He’s shared how the structure, accountability, and friendships he built there gave him the tools to rebuild his life and start dreaming bigger. Wade didn’t just get sober—he found purpose. That purpose eventually led him to start Plugged In Recovery, where he’s been able to create the same kind of supportive and transformational environment that helped him. Because of sober living, Wade is living his dream today—and I get to be by his side.

House Rules—And Why I Actually Needed Them

Let’s talk about the rules.

Every sober house has them—curfews, chores, drug tests, group meetings. I’ll be honest, at first, they felt restrictive, almost like being treated like a kid again. Wade’s told me he felt the same way when he first moved in.

But looking back, the rules were exactly what we needed.

What the Rules Taught Me:

  • Curfews: I learned how to manage my time and stick to commitments.
  • Chores: Sharing responsibilities taught me respect and accountability.
  • Drug Tests: Knowing everyone had to follow the same rules made it easier to trust each other.
  • Check-Ins: Regular meetings kept us all connected and made sure no one was isolating or struggling alone.

Those rules didn’t just help keep the house running—they helped me rebuild the discipline and structure I needed to stay on track. Wade’s experience was similar—he’s talked about how the rules gave him the framework he needed to focus on growth instead of chaos.

Built-In Accountability—The Wake-Up Calls I Didn’t Expect

When I moved into sober living, I thought I could handle recovery on my own. Wade did too. We both figured we had it all under control. But having people around who noticed when something was off or called me out when I needed it changed everything.

Accountability wasn’t just about checking boxes—it was about being seen. Whether it was a roommate asking me if I was okay after a rough day or me stepping in when someone else was struggling, it taught me how to lean on people and let them lean on me.

Boundaries and Growth—Lessons I Didn’t See Coming

Living with people, especially other people in recovery, is a crash course in boundaries. Whether it’s about dishes piling up, noise levels, or setting personal limits, it forces you to figure out how to stand up for yourself without causing drama.

Here’s what I learned about boundaries:

  1. Speak Up Early: Small annoyances turn into big problems if you let them simmer.
  2. Personal Space Matters: Even in a shared house, carving out quiet time for yourself helps keep you grounded.
  3. Saying No Isn’t Selfish: Whether it was skipping a late-night hangout or setting boundaries outside the house, recovery taught me how to protect my energy and focus.

Wade’s experience was pretty similar. He’s talked about how learning to set boundaries wasn’t just about protecting himself—it was about learning how to respect other people’s space and needs too. That balance—knowing when to give and when to step back—has been one of the biggest lessons we both took away.

Friendships That Last—Because We Went Through It Together

The friendships I built in sober living weren’t just surface-level connections. They were the kind of bonds that stick—because we didn’t just see the good parts of each other. We saw the bad days, the moments of doubt, and the setbacks too.

Wade and I have talked about this a lot. Some of the friendships we made in sober living are still going strong today. These were the people who celebrated our wins, called us out when we were off track, and reminded us that we weren’t alone.

Sober Living Lessons

Tips for Surviving—and Thriving—in Sober Living

If you’re thinking about moving into a sober home, here are a few things I learned (and Wade would agree):

  1. Set Expectations Early: Talk about schedules, chores, and boundaries upfront.
  2. Be Honest, Even When It’s Awkward: Open communication fixes more problems than silence ever will.
  3. Find Common Ground: Bonding over small things—like workouts or group dinners—builds trust fast.
  4. Celebrate Wins: Sobriety milestones, job interviews, even just a good day—celebrate it all.
  5. Give Yourself Grace: You’re going to mess up sometimes. What matters is how you handle it and keep moving forward.

Setting S.M.A.R.T. Goals with your sober living roommates is another great way to hold each other accountable to being successful!

Final Thoughts—Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

Sober living isn’t just about having a place to stay—it’s about building a foundation for life in recovery.

Wade and I will be talking even more about this on the Wellness Wire Podcast episode “Recovery Roommates—What Living Sober Taught Us About Life, Friendship, and Boundaries.”

Subscribe now on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify. And if you’ve got your own sober living stories, we’d love to hear them—drop them in the comments or reach out to us!